Morning Craziness, Check. Blog, Check!

OOOppps, I'm so tired that I let my hand rest on the backspace key. Fortunately, it erased just one paragraph, but I liked that paragraph a lot. Since I'm a write what you're thinking sort of author, I won't be recreating it. It's gone forever. Oh well. I woke up for the 2nd or 3rd time this morning around 4:30am, which is why I'm so tired. If I lay off the backspace key, which is impossible to do, maybe I'll finally get this new post out. Hopefully, the morning crazies and fatigue are over. Yeah, I know mornings are crazy in a lot of our homes, but I was hoping to have a lil' morning quiet time while the rest of the house was sleeping. And I did, but instead of typing on the computer, I was falling asleep on it, which happens a lot to me. My pain pills knock me out when doing anything cerebral. I can't read very much, do work on the computer, etc. So I titled this entry with a lot of determination, and some caffeine.

Since March, I've been through a clinical trail in Bethesda, MD. I think I'll send out a separate post about that. For now, I just wanted to catch you all up to where I'm at now. The trial didn't work, so now we're looking into other ones and strongly considering going to holistic/natural route. There's a therapy in Cali lead by a Dr. Sebi that I'm leaning toward right now. Before then however, I will be undergoing a 10 day radiation on a tumor found in my bone, the sternum. So you can pray about that. This tumor has been causing a lot of pain, and I'm told most of the pain will be taken care of through this radiation treatment. Yeah!

My Daily Grind, and What I'm Thankful For

I last wrote in December, and there's not much to tell. I haven't had any recent scans to tell how my cancer is responding to chemo, but I can update you on my daily battle. I'm roughing it. I previously mentioned my active bowels, and a temporary solution of giving myself a daily enema. That worked for a little while, until a wound opened up, which still hasn't quite healed. There's a pain like no other when you try to pass an enema over an open wound. I tried pushing past the pain, but succeeded in repeatedly hurting myself with no results. Not pleasant! So I'm back to spending an eternity on the toilet every day. It's very time consuming, some days as much as a full time job. That may sound like an exaggeration, but it's not. I wish it were. I'm often so worn out that I have to take a nap after a long toilet session. It sometimes leaves me feeling very weak and sore, like my intestines are about to spill out of my body. Sleep is all I can do. I'd guess that it gets that intense about 3 or 4 times a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. It's not consistent. Yesterday was a good day, so I write. I should be getting another CT scan soon. I'll be speaking with my doctor about that today when I go in for chemo.

I'm frustrated mostly, as my bowels are a tremendous challenge. But I get encouragement from friends. One friend recently told me to, "keep stabbing the beast." That put a smile on my face for a day or two. I called another encouraging friend the other night. That conversation will carry me another day or two. I realize I should also be relying on God for my strength. I'm still lacking in that area. I recently got some sound practical advise about all that. I need to apply it.

For those who know that my husband is from Japan, all of his family is fine. They weren't physically effected by the quake, nor the tsunami. I spent this morning looking at hundreds of photos. My heart aches for Northern Japan. I've actually spent some time there and in some ways, it reminded me of home, with its fishing ports and small towns. It's true that my life is very difficult in many ways. But after looking at those photos, I can't help but feel guilty for grumbling and complaining in my heart about the things I am dissatisfied with (I'm not talking about bowel issues here, but matters of the heart). God bless and help the people in Northern Japan, and in other parts of our globe for that matter. There's so much trouble; in areas like Egypt, Libya, and other Muslim nations. We in the U.S. are blessed to be safe and free. Sure there were millions of dollars in damage done to the boats and yachts in Crescent City, CA. But come on, really? I saw no devastation. With the tragic exception of that 20 year old young man who got too close to the waves and lost his life over a photo op. At least he had a choice, unlike the victims in Japan.